The pain you put me through
by Leveragelover
Summary: Part of him wanted to point and laugh and throw rocks at her. He would degrade her down to his standards so she could feel how he felt. R&R please


**So this is supposed to be song lyrics you could say. I don't know I just started writing and it turned out more like a song (lyrics in italics) I don't own Leverage**

_The pain you put me through _

The apartment was cold and gray, no more traces of happiness in it. Wherever Nate walked it seemed to groan under the weight of guilt.

_Bottles of liquor littered the floor_

_Ashes of burnt memories floated through the air_

_Crumpled up papers of letters that will go no where_

_The broken pieces of anything you left behind_

Sophie had left him again. She had left him like she had 3 years ago. He really thought they had something real - really thought that they loved each other. The thoughts made him vomit as he realized she was and always would be a grifter. Never did she actually have real feelings for him or mean anything she said.

_The pain you put me through _

_Is nothing compared to the anger I feel for you_

_Lost in my own mind _

_A perpetual cave of darkness in my heart _

_At least now I can't see your lies_

_Even though I'd take them over any truth_

He was back to being as bad of an alcoholic as he was after Sam died. The alcohol only worked to destroy the pain just a little bit so Nate found himself turning to self-harm. Scars ran up and down his wrist, making a sickly looking shutter effect. His skin was far too pale, and his body far too skinny. The team tried to help him but he was past helping.

_Watch me as I crumble at your feet _

_Not for bowing down to you _

_But my legs no longer can support me _

_For my body is slowly dying_

_See this evidence right here_

_It's the pain you've put me through_

He was a wreck. Everyday he wished the Sophie he loved would come back and they would finally be back together again. But everyday he wished the evil Sophie would come back and he would make her pay for what she did. He didn't deserve any of the shit-ass treatment she gave him when she told him she was leaving. She just left. No explanation. No reason.

_You left me with all your burning fury _

_And as I memorized how the door shut behind your body_

_My heart and my brain were slowly turning _

_They were turning into a blinding pain _

_And from that day I knew that I would make you pay _

_For the pain you'd put me through _

He had attempted suicide at least 10 times but Eliot always kept pulling him back. One day the team even found him with a knife stabbed in him. He was close to his deathbed on that day and he was almost not thankful that they saved him. Eliot thought the mark had gone crazy but he had told him that he had done it to himself. After that he got a pretty stern talking to. It was annoying how the team thought they could help him. He didn't need help. He needed Soph.

_Your lies caught up with you_

_They tore you up from the inside and crawled out your dead body _

_The ghost that remind from the truth_

_Left me to rot in your lies_

_And I knew then the love I felt for you_

_Was the only thing that was living anymore _

Every night in his dreams the scene would play again. It would twist into a gory nightmare where her eyes were sunken black holes and he could see her heart beating in her chest. Blood would cover the walls as she left him to die in the unknown location. As always he'd memorize how she left him. How she shut the door in his face with all her might. This time he knew she wasn't going to come back no matter what he said. No matter what happened. Not even if he died.

_Scratch me in the eyes _

_At least then I won't have to see your lies _

_I couldn't stand to be in love with you _

_If you want to save me you'll let me die_

_And if you don't then don't come back soon_

_So let me just say this one thing_

_I'm still suffering from the pain you put me through_

They tracked her down after a year. After a year of liters of blood shed and gallons of tears cried they had found her. Half of him never wanted to see her face again and half wanted him to tell her how wrong her decision was. He would scream about his attempts at suicide and put his scars on display for her eyes. Maybe then she'd understand.

_I'm running back to you_

_I'll make sure that I finish the deed this time_

_Blood on my wrists and on my skin _

_You'll see that this is what has happened_

_It was all from my love being torn away from me_

_And it's all your fault _

_Now this pain won't just be affecting me_

He found her in a lost place. She was a lost girl now. Part of him wanted to point and laugh and throw rocks at her. He would degrade her down to his standards so she could feel how he felt. She deserved every ounce of hate that he had to offer. She deserved it because she walked out on them without a reason or a cause. It was all a mask - all a facade. Her eyes were drawn to him as his eyes were drawn to hers.

_You're eyes told a different story_

_I thought that you were happy without me_

_Turns out you were just as lost_

_I wanted to reach out and tell you I love you_

_I wanted to say I no longer hated you_

_You're eyes were full of abuse_

_And now I don't know what to do_

He was her anchor as much as she was his. Moments after he found her she latched onto him and started sobbing. He was shocked at first but he slowly hugged her back. The words that spilled from her mouth were incomprehensible but he wasn't sure if it was because to the crying or not. He was pretty sure that it was because he had him back.

_The burning, raw hatred that's growing inside me_

_Is towards someone new_

_My body and mind are revolted at this_

_It's created a nightmare of abuse_

_It's like acid in my brain_

_Like dry hay gone up in flames _

She never left his side anymore. Whenever she went somewhere by herself the team was always close by her. He made sure that she was as safe as humanly possible. The kidnapping had made her very skittish around a lot of people that weren't in the team. He wanted to make sure that nothing ever ever happened to her. If something did happened to her

_Tears fell from her face as she spoke_

_The words spilled from her lips like poison _

_There were cuts and bruises and broken bones_

_It was damage _

_It was the secret _

_It was why you didn't come back soon_

_Now I wish I never felt this anger I felt for you _

They were closer then ever now and Nate liked that. Sophie was slowly recovering from the incident and Nate was slowly getting healthier. She often had nightmares of it but Nate was always there to comfort her.

_I didn't want to feel this pain_

_The pain you put me through_


End file.
